No Safe Place

Posted on Sat Jun 3rd, 2023 @ 2:42am by Unawakened James Corrigan

Mission: Tales of the Unawakened
Location: On SR 99
Timeline: Just after "The Best Laid Plans..."

Fortunately for both his state of mind and his state of exhaustion, Kat didn't fight James as he led her away. She had heard their mother's words and tone just as he had and had responded to it. By the time they reached the car, James knew they weren't getting all the way to the cabin before he crashed. But he'd be damned if he didn't get them very far away from here first!

Thus determined, James got into the car and buckled his seatbelt, looking over to see that Kat did likewise. Then he started up the car and drove as fast as the law would allow, heading north. And as he drove, he noticed something. The overwhelming feelings that had been beating him since that fight had lessened. Now there was just fear and uncertainty, and those blended with his own. Again, he wondered what the hell this was; but again, he reminded himself that he didn't really have the luxury of stopping to give it a proper examination. And so he simply noted it and drove on.

State Route (SR) 99 cut right through Bakersfield and went all the way up to Sacramento, so it made the most sense to take it as far as they could and then switch over to Highway 101. That would go all the way up into Washington, at least to Seattle. Somewhere along the way, though, James knew he'd need to buy a road atlas, but for now, this would do.

They drove in silence for some time before Kat spoke softly. "James?"

James spared her a glance. "Yeah?"

"Mom will be okay, won't she?"

He might be tired, but even in that state, he could hear the deep concern in her voice. It murmured through his mind too, mingling with his own concern, so he mistook it for his own feeling and didn't question it this time. "Yeah, she'll be fine. Mom's a tough lady. She can take care of herself."

He saw Kat nod out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah. I still feel like we shouldn't have left her there alone."

James felt a heavy sigh escape him. She was mirroring his own thoughts. "I know. I feel the same, but she was right. Whatever she's going to do, it's likely best we aren't there for it. She'd only hesitate in order to protect us," he pointed out reasonably, surprised that he was as coherent as he was.

Kat nodded. She knew that as well as he did; she'd heard their mother. But it didn't make it any easier knowing Mom was still back there alone with Dad in the state he'd be in when he became conscious again. "Yeah…" she conceded.

James could hear in her voice that that wasn't any more comforting to her than it was to him, so he tried again. "Besides, Kat, we'd be in more danger than she's in."

Kat stared at her brother hard for a moment. Did he really believe that or was he just trying to make her feel better? Either way, he was right, and she knew it. Dad had even stopped hearing her in that last fight, and he'd never done that before. Hell, he'd never struck Mom before. Kat really didn't understand what had happened back there. She wanted to ask James, but she didn't think he'd want to talk about it, so she let it go for now.

"I know," she finally said, looking out her window at the desert as they passed it.

Resignation. He heard it even as it brushed through his mind. He was resigned too, but the feeling wasn't his, it wasn't coming from inside. What the hell's happening to me? He really wanted to stop and try to figure this out, but they needed more distance, so again, he pushed it away and kept driving.

***** ***** *****

Five hours later, they entered a little town that James didn't remember the name of. He'd seen the sign for it as they'd entered, but he couldn't remember it now. Not that it mattered, he reasoned. After all, they were only here to get gas and maybe some on-the-road food. As he pulled the car into the gas station, his mind was suddenly flooded with emotions. It was like in the fight, but worse! There was so much more of it here!

James gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. He couldn't shut it out! He couldn't shut it up! His head felt as though it was going to explode, and not in any pain-relieving sense. He didn't realize it, but a soft moan escaped him.

Extremely concerned, Kat looked over at her brother. She'd been preparing to go inside and start foraging for them when she'd heard him moan. Releasing the door handle, she leaned over toward her brother and touched his arm. "James? Are you okay?"

Right at that moment, he was assaulted by a wave of anger from an unknown source. His eyes snapped open and pinned her where she sat. "Do I look okay?!" he snapped before realizing it. Immediately, he closed his eyes again and shook his head, trying desperately to clear his mind… unsuccessfully.

Kat flinched back instinctively, well-trained by Dad's volatile nature. Sadly, while James had been the only one actually assaulted by Dad's tongue, Kat had learned to fear it too and keep a very low profile. This was just a sad vestige of that learned response.

James didn't need to see her reaction; he felt it. Her newly-restored fear joined the onslaught of emotions pummelling him. That one, he reflected, he deserved. But he couldn't hear his own thoughts amid the constantly-shifting noise coming in from outside of himself. As people came and went from the gas station and its attached convenience store, the emotional barrage shifted and changed, but it did not let up or lessen. He felt like he would drown in it.

Kat didn't understand what was happening. She'd never seen James like this. Frankly, it scared her. Not the same way she was scared of Dad, but more scared for James. She didn't know what to do. Finally, she asked very tentatively, "Can I help?"

No! Of course, she couldn't help! What kind of dumbass question was that?!

Stop it, James! his mind screamed at him to be heard over the deafening roar of other people's emotions. Or were they actually his? Was he losing his mind? Was this what schizophrenia felt like?

"I-I'm sorry, Kat," he said, his voice strained by the effort it was taking to keep his own thoughts foremost in his mind. "You know how to pump gas?" Maybe she couldn't help him with what was going on in his head, but maybe she could help him with the physical tasks.

Kat nodded. "Yeah, Mom taught me. I can get the gas and food if you want," she offered.

Some part of James, the protective brother part no doubt, wanted to say 'no, it's okay. I'm fine.' But he knew better. Kat knew better. Right this second, he couldn't even put his own thoughts together. So he simply nodded and handed her the credit card with a look that said 'thanks' and 'be careful'.

Kat took the card and put it in her pocket then got out of the car and closed the door. James sat back in the chair with his eyes closed, trying desperately to sort everything that was in his head, with no success. It was like trying to sort individual drops of water in the ocean as said oceans is flowing over and around and through you. It was impossible!

Buried in that tidal ebb and flow, James ceased to be aware of the passage of time. There was no time, only shifting, crashing waves of emotion, tearing at his mind like the undertow in a river, threatening to pull him under. At several points, it felt as if it had succeeded.

Then he heard Kat next to him.

"James," her tone was a push. How long had she been back and trying to get his attention?

James shook his head. "Yeah, sorry. What?"

Kat frowned, concern entering her expression once more, and simultaneously slithering through his mind. "You don't look so good. Maybe we should find a motel for the night." She held out the credit card to him, and he took it – he noticed that his hand was shaking as he did – and put it back into his own pocket.

"Maybe…" he agreed in a sort of half-trance state, shaking his head again before forcing himself to focus only on the car, the wheel, the road, etc. That focus finally in place, at least enough to not hit anyone or drive like a drunk person, he pulled out of the gas station and back onto the road, heading north again.

At the edge of town, he pulled into a motel parking lot. It didn't look like the classiest joint, but it would have to do. They needed sleep.

***** ***** *****

The motel, it turned out, was a bad choice. Apparently, it was this town's equivalent to the Red Light District in larger cities. All night, James heard nothing but sex from both rooms next to theirs. He noticed that Kat had shut it all out and slept quietly, but like with the fight and the gas station, James couldn't keep the overwhelming feelings out of his head. Only here, those feelings were mostly about sex, though a few times, he detected a tinge of guilt mixed in with the amorous feelings. So he slept fitfully when he could sleep at all. He wondered if it was illegal to pull off to the side of the road and sleep out there in the middle of nowhere.

When morning came, James was more than ready to get the hell out of this place, tired or not. They once more got onto SR 99 and continued north. Thankfully, out on this nearly-deserted highway, it was quiet. James could hear himself think again.